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- Anita Burgh
- I am a writer - late developer since I wasn't published until I was 50. I have now written 23 novels, numerous short stories and articles.
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Sunday 9 February 2014
The Silly Things We Say
"It’s a small world we live
in," I said the other day to my friend Andrew.
"What a cliché.
Can't you think of something more original to say than that?” he
growled. Poor soul, I begin to feel
sorry for him for he's reached the age when he’s beginning to show definite
signs of turning into a grumpy old man.
‘The problem is they are clichés because they say
what is true and so are often repeated.”
I responded, feeling quite grumpy myself as my position as a writer
appeared to be under attack and, in my opinion, wrongly for this really was a
case in point - I’d just discovered that a friend’s great-grandfather had had
an affair with another friend’s great-grandmother and my mother-in-law knew
them both - now is that strange or is that strange?
Mind you, these were exceptional circumstances when
only a cliché would do. However it got
me thinking about sayings in general.
And we really do use some odd ones.
Lets imagine a middle aged woman who has just
discovered that her husband has run off with his secretary who is a good two
decades younger than her, far prettier and also fun. A splendid rant at the unfairness of it all
is called for which makes her feel a lot better until a friend pipes up with
-
“At least you can take comfort that there’s
always someone worse off than you!”
She then proceeds to illustrate this by telling her, invariably, of a
person who has just been diagnosed with some awful disease.
“I’m sorry for your friend, but I don’t care. It’s my husband who has done a bunk,”
our middle-aged woman snaps, and rightly so. “You’ll be telling me next that
her cat is pregnant.”
“How did you know?“
It is at this point that you wouldn’t be surprised
nor would you criticise the spurned wife if she chose to clock them over the
head with a flat iron.
Here’s another.
What about a girl or boy, it doesn’t matter which, who is certain they
have met the love of their lives; they are wallowing in the bliss of pure love
and passion - and then they get unceremoniously ditched.
“Never mind there are plenty more fish in the sea.” Some prat consoles them. So what on earth is the point of that? This poor soul isn’t interested in fish. It’s the love of their lives they want and
yearn for. I suppose if you were a manic
fisherman it might be of interest but who wants to kiss a guppy when it’s their
prince they long for?
One that can cover numerous eventualities, from
death to losing your wallet, from getting the sack to finding your favourite
dish in the restaurant is “Off” from going bankrupt to getting a spot before a
big dance: It was meant to be . .
.something better will turn up. Oh,
yes? Who says?
I will
confess to often using that particular cliché when the purchase of a house
you’ve set your heart on falls through.
And in that case, I’ve discovered, it’s often true. I’ve lost count, in my peripatetic live, of
the number of times a sale has collapsed and we’ve ended up with a far nicer
home.
A leopard never changes his spots. How daft is that. Just think about it for a minute, why on
earth would a leopard want to change his spots? I’m sure they are perfectly
happy the way they are. And who knows,
if they did change their spots maybe their mums wouldn’t recognise them. And in any case, how would they go about
it? In the jungle or wherever leopards
live.
And why is it just leopards? What’s so special about them? What about Zebras changing their stripes, or
ladybirds, and how about Gloucester Old Spot?
Why persecute the leopards?
A stitch in time saves nine. Who counted?
That’s plain silly, it could be more but then on the other hand it might
be less.
It never rains but it pours. Oh no it doesn’t. What’s a shower? Hardly a downpour is it? Perhaps you could say that in all honesty in
the tropics but not here.
Every cloud has a silver lining. No it doesn’t.
We’ve all seen clouds there ain’t no silver there.
Life is what you make it. No it isn’t.
Life happens - if you could control it then we’d all be whatever we
wanted. Personally I would be a
brunette, beautiful slim, rich and with a seductive low laugh, not the snort I
ended up with.
The grass is always greener. That is just not true. I can look out of my window
and prove to you that is a lie.
There are a couple of new ones I’ve noticed. What goes around comes around. Now what exactly does that mean? If some kind soul would explain it to
me. And the other is I’ll give it 110%
don’t trust whoever promises you that, don’t you know it doesn’t exist!
This article first appeared in the CGA magazine.
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